That one thing that will always be with you no matter what you say or do.
Are you even a mum if you don't get that horrendous feeling rushing through your head with thoughts that sometimes are really silly which you shouldn't even have to worry about.
One of the hardest part of being a mum, is the constant battle with yourself of feeling like your never doing a good enough job of being a parent and that "perfect mum" your child deserves. I mean seriously what is a perfect mum? Does one of them even exist? We all try our very best to give our children the best in life we possibly can, but there's still them moments where you question yourself & feel like everything you do just isn't enough for them.
If you are lucky enough to have not experienced "that mum guilt" feeling let me try and explain what it is... Its that awful feeling you get when you do something, it can be something as little as telling your little one off for being naught to leaving them with someone other than yourself, or even going to work (I mean come on everyone has to work) so surely we shouldn't feel bad for leaving them with someone we trust for a few hours. Nope that's not the case we still have them horrible flutters in your heart which makes your tummy turn leaving you feeling all fussed & sick, not forgetting your brain goes in overdrive mode putting thoughts in your head like "I can't believe I have to leave her for 9 hours or what if she gets hurt whilst I'm not there" which make things 10 times worse,making it feel like your little ones deserve better than this and that your doing something wrong. Constantly asking them questions over & over in your head though out the day which can't actually be answered!!
It's a mother instinct to think the worst about everything. I constantly worry about what Ariana might be thicking/how she is feeling whenever I have to leave her with someone else, "what if she thinks I'm not coming back for her, what if she just needs a cuddle from her mummy?" It's hard she's still so little she doesn't understand that "mummy has to go to work but she'll be back" I always wonder if she know just how much I love her & how much she means to me.
Being a mum is HARD! In fact it's the hardest thing I've had to do, before I've only had to worry about myself, now I have to think about another human as well as put her needs before myself.
Why is it that we feel guilty about the smallest of things when it comes to our children, if we slip on a bit of water we think on the lines of "I'm so blind how didn't I see that bit of water" yet if our children do it we instantly think how the outcome could of ended with an injury and why we didn't prevent it from happening in the first place.
Lets stop being so hard on ourselves and ask ourselves a few questions "is my baby fed, watered & looked after, is she happy, has she got a roof over her head with clothes to wear?" if you can anwser yes to all these questions than you are doing amazing. Your child doesn't care what car you drive or how much money you may have, all they care about is having someone who loves, protects & looks after them. They also don't want to have your company 24 hours 7 days a week, they love seeing their grandparents, cousins, aunties & uncles even people they might not see on a daily basis. Every person they see teaches them a new thing how else will they learn to speak two languages (which in Ariana's case three) read a book, say new words.
Next time you have to leave your little one with someone else & that horrible mum guilt kicks in just remind yourself that your doing it for them & no one else, you are going to work to build them a bright future!
Thank you for reading
Rusne xx